I first heard of the term “empty-nest” some 10 years ago from chi Dung, when either Tri or Liem moved out. At the time, I was so busy with raising a family, and it sounded foreign to me.

I think I’m facing it now. Not just I think. I am. The last few weeks, I’ve been either ignoring or blocking the thought of both kids leaving home. It was like, it’s not happening until it’s happening. Well, it’s happening the day after tomorrow. So I better be prepared so I can help them be prepared.

Tina has been going out a lot, to spend the last few days with her high-school friends. I guess it’s both exciting and scary to enter this phase. You think you’re becoming an adult, moving out of your parents’ house and being by yourself. Yet you still have doubts whether you’re ready to cross the bridge. And what awaits you out there? Late-night parties, new friends, freedom! And big responsibilities.

How do parents feel about this big step? Today, I have the same worries for Tina as I had and still have for Eric when he left home 2 years back. Have I taught my kids everything necessary for the real life? Are my kids mature enough? What if they were treated bad? Who will be there to protect them? Do they know to take Advil when they have muscle aches, and Pepcid Acid and Tiger Balm when they have indigestion? Do they eat enough? What’s awaiting them out there? Wild parties and big bad wolves? Choices, mistakes, challenges, opportunities.

I think I’m the one who’s not ready to let the kids go. I understand now how my parents felt when I left VN. I was excited to be finally in this land of freedom, and was annoyed that my mother cried and didn’t share the excitement. My father was quiet and contemplative the whole time.

I need to be strong and see far like my father. We go through many phases in this journey of life. The children come, we become parents. The children leave, we’re still parents but playing a different role. I will not tie down my kids and cripple them for life. I’m worried, but will not display that side of me. I’m excited that I can give them the opportunities to be on their wings and feel the freedom. I want my kids to live life fully, making choices along with mistakes, learn to fight for what they believe, accept nothing but the best, work hard, and play hard.

From the Tao-Te-Ching

When people see something as beautiful, other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good, other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.
Difficult and easy support each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low depend on each other.
Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master
acts without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn’t possess,
acts but doesn’t expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.