March 12 – I woke up on March 12, thinking it was March 13th, and felt like kicking myself in the butt for not remembering my sister’s birthday. Then I saw her email reminding the sibblings today ‘s her birthday.  So happy I didnt actually forget it.

I guess if you want something, make it known. Just like in this case. Dao wants to hear from all sibblings on this special day of hers. So she emailed everyone to remind them. And we all responded. It’s such a simple thing to do; yet we, actually I, can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t feel comfortable asking for anything, or stating an issue. I have been wondering if this is a cultural or personal problem.

I grew up trained to not ask for favors nor state my position. Rather, to accept or at least show acceptance on the outside even when I’m rebelling inside. Never show my true feelings. Smile when sad or angry to mask my emotions. Other people’s happiness comes before mine. This complicates my relationships with everyone, because what they see is not what it is.  I’m so tired of not being myself …

Is that a sign of strength or weakness?

Am I being strong for not letting my true feelings show? Or am I being a coward for not facing reality?  Because, sometimes, agreeing with or keeping people appeased is the path of the least resistance.