Uyen Tien …

I’m sorry  I never knew you well. And I won’t have that chance anymore. Some words of a song struck me. Buồn này biết ngỏ cùng ai … Sometimes, I feel so lonely amongst the living. And  I thought of you.

I can still see your face. A smile to put me at ease even though your deep eyes showed acceptance of your fate. I felt closed to you at that time; yet sensing you were slipping away from the life we’re living in. I showed you how I use blogging to express and share my thoughts, for my kids and loved ones to read today and after I’m gone;  and I know you read them.  I want to tell people that death does not separate the souls, but what do I know, I’m not a psychic.  I believe that the souls are always together, and communication between the souls is possible if people are ready to reach out and receptive to be reached.

A couple days back, I read an article by Thich-Nhat-Hanh about Impermanence. I thought of you, Uyen Tien. Actually, I thought of Dung, and the pain he’s going through.  “If you suffer, it is not because things are impermanent. It is because you believe things are permanent. When a flower dies, you don’t suffer much, because you understand that flowers are impermanent. But you cannot accept the impermanence of your beloved one, and you suffer deeply when she passes away.  If you look deeply into impermanence, you will do your best to make her happy right now. Aware of impermanence, you become positive, loving and wise. Impermanence is good news. Without impermanence, nothing would be possible. With impermanence, every door is open for change. Impermanence is an instrument for our liberation.”

We, living things, are trained to attach ourselves to objects and people. We love, we own, we lose, and then we’re lost. We know that things come and go, and impermanence is the nature of life. But we don’t allow it in our life. People see death all around them, but do not believe they’re going to die themselves. When and where there’s life, then and there is death! And alone we all are. We came into this world alone, we suffer alone, and we will leave it alone. Sure, we were born with parents and maybe siblings. But we went though that birth canal alone. When we’re sick, we have loved ones around, but no one can go through our physical pain. And when we exhale for the last time, amongst the cries and tears, again we will finish the journey alone.

Easier said than done. I still go through life clinging to the full range of  love-want-greed-hate emotions. But I will make a point to live my life as if it’s my last day. I will love and view the good side of people. I will wake up early tomorrow to savour the sunshine. I will do things only because I want to do it, and not because I feel obliged to. I will listen to more music, and sing along. And I will remember to take my medications so my last day won’t be tomorrow!

Ce que c’est que la mort

Ne dites pas : mourir ; dites : naître. Croyez.
On voit ce que je vois et ce que vous voyez ;
On est l’homme mauvais que je suis, que vous êtes ;
On se rue aux plaisirs, aux tourbillons, aux fêtes ;
On tâche d’oublier le bas, la fin, l’écueil,
La sombre égalité du mal et du cercueil ;
Quoique le plus petit vaille le plus prospère ;
Car tous les hommes sont les fils du même père ;
Ils sont la même larme et sortent du même oeil.
On vit, usant ses jours à se remplir d’orgueil ;
On marche, on court, on rêve, on souffre, on penche, on tombe,
On monte. Quelle est donc cette aube ? C’est la tombe.
…
novembre 1854
Les contemplations
par Victor Hugo
August 7, 2007