I woke up with intense pain in the lower back. The mattress is a 1.5-inch thick large piece of foam. I can feel the wooden planks underneath. I’m experiencing life of kẽ tu-hành, a sangha, so I can’t really complain about the physical discomfort. I got food in my tummy and a roof that shelters me from the cold and the rain.

Oh the serenity of the early morning, when all is quiet and the gong strikes 3 times, each strike starts when the vibration of the previous one ends. Everything has a start and an end, even the sound of the bell …

I walk past the meadows 6 times a day, on a pathway that was carved in the middle of knee-high grasses, surrounded by yellow and purple wild flowers and shadowed by old oak trees.

My life is now in a bubble, secluded from the outside world, protected from all desires and envies. Some might say this is not real life. Is it? Why can’t we keep our mind calm and equanimous (tâm thanh-tịnh, tâm quân-bình). Life is so short, and shorter for me…

I feel my heart bursted of love for nature, for the birds making nests outside of my room, for the flowers blossoming in the meadows, for the sparse clouds lost in the blue sky. We run around in circles, chasing after materials and illusions. Rarely do we stop to live life. We think by accumulating more wealth, acquiring more goods, obtaining better job titles and higher positions, we can prove to others and to ourselves that we are successful. Within reasons, materials do provide comforts in life. But life is meant to live, not to possess.
 
My morning meditation didn’t fare well. My monkey mind kept jumping from one thing to another. I could barely finish the sensation sweeping. It felt like I was regressing, so I went to talk to the teacher again. The things that kept popping up in my head (relationship, frustrations, old feelings… ) are sankaras of the past. I need to acknowledge their existence when they surface during meditation, but not let them take over my thoughts. Think of working on the computer while listening to the radio. The radio sound is in the background, while I continue the work on the computer. The jumping thoughts are the background sound, while I continue my work of experiencing my sensations, of feeling my breadth.

And I learned that my roommate has had breast cancer for 4 years, and had 4 surgeries done. Decay. It’s part of life. Everything that was born, will decay, and die. Everything that was created, will become obsolete, and will be destroyed. None of us can escape that dharma wheel. So, everyday that we can wake up to see the sun rise, know that we are lucky to have one more day to live. By the same token, know that we’re one more day closer to our death. Life is a gift from God that is not to be taken for granted.

Rejoice, and make the best use of this special day, dear friend!